Monthly Archives: November 2010

Not Easy Being Me…..

For some reason, the the other night, I found myself functioning in a alternate version of me. Talking…….expressing myself…..and even opening myself up to other people. I am a self-professed introvert and proud of it. LOL! I think most artists/writers are. Solitude at times is a necessity when you’re creating. So, in the wake of my new found extrovert tendencies *giggles* I tried to chalk it up to nerves…..and the one too many drinks I’d had in the previous hours, but in reality for the first time in a long time…….I realized that I was allowing myself to be myself.Β  You may be thinking: “Why is she tripping about being herself. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

And that’s true, for the most part. But in my life I have learned that you can’t be 100 with everyone. No matter how bad you may want too. But for some reason…..in that moment…….I wanted to be, so I took a chance and I ran with it. πŸ™‚ I should be proud right? That shows growth…..maturity. WRONG! I woke up the next morning wishing I’d stayed tucked away behind the walls that I’d expertly constructed over the years. Walls that have been faithful friends and protected me from the “extra” and the “bitchassness” of the world that so many people seem to have to NO problem dumping in other people’s laps.

But alas….it was too late.

So now I have a dilemma, because in the moment I enjoyed the freedom, the connection. But in true run-for-the-hills fashion, I vowed to never let my walls down again because….you just never know. But realistically…..you’ll never know….if you don’t take down at least ONE wall. Now has that wall came down? Uhhhh….no. But I have installed a drawbridge and removed the alligators from the surrounding mote. πŸ™‚

Hey….it’s progress right? πŸ˜€

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