Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself Over The Head With A Hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop…..

A lot of people have probably heard this phrase before. Meredith said it in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy once. When I first heard it I wasn’t sure what she meant but the more and more I thought I about what she said, I finally got it.

As women we do things, certain things, over and over again that usually cause us some sort of grief or pain and more often than not it involves a man. It can be anything from waiting for a date or sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring and usually once these things happen a sense of relief washes over us but the catch is as the high wears off from that encounter slowly but surely we start the cycle…..all….over….again. Hence, hitting ourselves over the head with the hammer.

These blows to the head can come in many different forms these are a few:

  • Sending text messages waiting for and receiving no response for hours or sometimes days, or worse, not at all. And when it finally does it’s a one word response: “HI” or “Hey”
  • Placing endless phones calls that go unanswered for days at a time.
  • A subtle exchange of emails or tweets that get ignored or when answered are very short and one-sided.
  • Promises of a returned phone call that doesn’t happen. At least not within the same 72-hours it was promised.
  • Plans of another date or spending time together that seems to never come.
They say love, or the lack of it, will make you do crazy things and the older I get the more I see this statement holds some truth. It can make you see things that aren’t there are or see people in a light that isn’t necessarily a good one but one that suits you at the time. All in an effort to stop hitting yourself upside the headThink Me Strange with the hammer. But I wouldn’t classify it so much as crazy as I would a want to have someone in your life. I don’t think anyone likes being alone and because of that fact we as women put up with a lot and in an effort to fill that void we get so little in return. What we really need to ask ourselves is this: is it worth it? Is the stress and strain from the repeated blows of the hammer worth an emotionless text that may or may not come or the two-minute phone conversation with no plans of another in sight? I will be the first to admit, I have sent texts the night before, sleeping with my phone by my side, only to wake up the next morning disappointed to find no response and I’m sure I’m not the only one woman to have done this. Just like I’m sure there a plenty of women who have ridden cloud nine through a date  with a man only to have that cloud crash to the ground when they don’t see him again for weeks and are only left with unanswered texts and phone calls promising “we’ll hook up soon”.
So at what point is it okay to put down the hammer? Or are we destined to beat ourselves silly searching for a high that may or may not ever come again?
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About Author D.L.Sparks

Writing is not just what I do, it's what I am.

Posted on September 27, 2011, in personal, writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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