Category Archives: personal

It’s Not Right….But It’s Okay….

On February 11, 2012  we lost one of the GREATEST voices of our time. Whitney Houston passed away in a hotel room in California and the emotion spread across the nation like a tsunami wave.

Whitney was more than just a person, she was an icon. Her talent could, and still can’t, be matched and she will be sorely missed. I personally grew up listening to Whitney and can remember dancing around to I Wanna Dance With Somebody in my living room while watching the video on Video Soul. From that to Where Do Broken Hearts Go, Whitney continued to take over our hearts and the airwaves and people wanted more. I will never forget the first time I heard The Greatest Love Of All that song to this day still gives me chills and a sense of the strength that I know I have inside and I have Whitney to thank for that. Whitney was the woman who gave The Star Spangled Banner a life that will NEVER die no matter how many times it is sang since her rendition. No autotune or a bunch of studio equipment needed only thing Clive required was that she showed up and turned out and that’s exactly what she always did.

Whitney’s tumultuous life has nothing to do with her untimely death. The fact of the matter is she’s gone way too soon. We all watched, sometime in awe, at the things she went through but more importantly we cheered her on when she made her comeback and when she did she pulled NO punches and I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. I pray for her family and especially her daughter. We may have lost one of our favorite singers but she has lost her mother, her rock and I can only imagine the pain she is feeling right now. The same way everyone is rallying around Whitney’s memory I hope they will do the same for her daugher because she’s gonna need it now more than ever. I hate that it has taken her demise for her to be appreciate and uplifted in the manner she is now, perhaps maybe if she had been all along maybe we wouldn’t be here. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing this blog fighting tears as I listen to her music but we will never know.

I titled this blog after one of her songs “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” because no, it’s not right that she’s gone but it’s okay because she is in God’s arms right now and at peace. She’s in Heaven with Michael Jackson, James Brown, Dorothy Dandridge and Phyllis Hyman. I mean can you imagine the concerts going on right now in the clouds?

Whitney you will be missed and we all pray your soul is at rest but more importantly at peace. You are truly an angel now.

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Video Update: D.L. talks #TeamTrip shirts, Tour and Super Bowl

BETWEEN FRIENDS: 12/27/2011

Missing Mondays: Blogging for Awareness Jahessye Shockley (AZ)

Tomorrow will mark one week since 5-year-old Jahessye (pronounced JES-ee) Shockley went missing from her Glendale, Arizona’s home. She was last seen on October 11, 2011 at her apartment with her older siblings while her mother was out running an errand. One hour later around 5 pm, her mother came back to find that she was gone. Her siblings did not know where she went. The police believes that there is a possibility that she wandered off on her own, but when she never returned, their concerns increased.

An Amber Alert was issued last Wednesday when someone reported a girl matching Jahessye’s description being placed in a car by a 25-30-year-old black female but the alert was canceled by the police Friday because there was no break in the case. Police said the woman was wearing a white tank top and blue jeans rolled up to mid-calf. The vehicle was a black 1998 to 2000 4-door Chevy Malibu, which drove away from the area eastbound on Glendale Avenue.

An extensive search of the area surrounding her apartment complex was completed last week but the police are still actively searching for Jahessye. All leads were followed up but so far, none were helpful to the case.
Now the case has taken on a weird turn:

On Sunday, the mother of a missing 5-year-old, Jerice Hunter,  told a Phoenix news station that she is a suspect in her daughter’s disappearance, but a police spokesman denied that claim.

“They’re focusing on me as a suspect but I don’t mind…The number one priority is my baby,” Jerice Hunter said to CNN affiliate KPNX.

Glendale police Sgt. Brent Coombs told KPNX that Hunter’s 2006 conviction for abusing her other children is a part of their investigation, but Hunter is not considered a suspect in Jahessye’s disappearance at this time.

Coombs could not be reached for comment Monday morning.

While relatives and members of the family’s church passed out fliers and urged residents to call in tips Sunday, grandmother Shirley Johnson said that Hunter’s three other children, ages 6, 9 and 13, have been placed in foster care.

“Why would they take them kids and make them grieve all by themselves?” Johnson asked.

[Source]

Jahessye is a black female, approximately 3-feet-5-inches tall, 55 pounds, and has black hair and brown eyes.

Jahessye has long hair that was in a ponytail and was last seen wearing a solid white T-shirt, blue jean shorts, and pink flip-flops.

Glendale police are asking for the community’s assistance to locate Jahessye.

If you have any information, you’re encouraged to contact the Glendale Police Department at 623-930-HELP (4357).

 

Readers/Followers, this is our first Missing Mondays blog. Every Monday we will showcase a missing child, and today’s missing child is Jahessye Shockley. We ask that any bloggers (or if you don’t have a blog) to write about Jahessye Shockley on this day to show that we all care and we will all stand together and share her case until she is found.

We are bigger in numbers,  if you don’t have a post up about Jahessye, feel free to share this post on Facebook or Retweet our tweet on Twitter. The more eyes on this case, the better. Jahessye’s case has gained some national attention, but not the type of attention that will keep her in the spotlight.

Jahessye and others like her need a voice, will you be that voice for her? Thanks for reading and sharing!


Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself Over The Head With A Hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop…..A lot of people have probably heard this phrase before. Meredith said it in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy once. When I first heard it I wasn’t sure what she meant but the more and more I thought I about what she said, I finally got it.As women we do things, certain things, over and over again that usually cause us some sort of grief or pain and more often than not it involves a man. It can be anything from waiting for a date or sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring and usually once these things happen a sense of relief washes over us but the catch is as the high wears off from that encounter slowly but surely we start the cycle…..all….over….again. Hence, hitting ourselves over the head with the hammer.

These blows to the head can come in many different forms these are a few:

  • Sending text messages waiting for and receiving no response for hours or sometimes days, or worse, not at all. And when it finally does it’s a one word response: “HI” or “Hey”
  • Placing endless phones calls that go unanswered for days at a time.A subtle exchange of emails or tweets that get ignored or when answered are very short and one-sided.
  • Promises of a returned phone call that doesn’t happen. At least not within the same 72-hours it was promised.
  • Plans of another date or spending time together that seems to never come.

They say love, or the lack of it, will make you do crazy things and the older I get the more I see this statement holds some truth. It can make you see things that aren’t there are or see people in a light that isn’t necessarily a good one but one that suits you at the time. All in an effort to stop hitting yourself upside the head with the hammer. But I wouldn’t classify it so much as crazy as I would a want to have someone in your life. I don’t think anyone likes being alone and because of that fact we as women put up with a lot and in an effort to fill that void we get so little in return. What we really need to ask ourselves is this: is it worth it? Is the stress and strain from the repeated blows of the hammer worth an emotionless text that may or may not come or the two-minute phone conversation with no plans of another in sight? I will be the first to admit, I have sent texts the night before, sleeping with my phone by my side, only to wake up the next morning disappointed to find no response and I’m sure I’m not the only one woman to have done this. Just like I’m sure there a plenty of women who have rode cloud nine through a date  with a man only to have that cloud crash to the ground when they don’t see him again for weeks and are only left with unanswered texts and phone calls promising “we’ll hook up soon”.

So at what point is it okay to put down the hammer? Or are we destined to beat ourselves silly searching for a high that may or may not ever come again?

via Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself Over The Head With A Hammer?.

I Cry

This is one of my favorite poems of Tupac’s. Being a writer I am big on using words as a form of expression because they are powerful when used correctly. Tupac was incomparable when it came to that. If the writer is good enough it is very easy for me to connect with their emotion through their lyrics and get lost in them especially when the lyrics speak as loudly as these do. Music can be a vessel into your soul, a source of healing and comfort. A place of solace. And at times that’s where I go when I find myself needing clarity. I put in my ear buds and I press play…..and sometimes I put in my ear buds and I Cry….

Sometimes when I’m alone
I Cry, cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confide in,
I would cry among my treasured friend, but who do you know that stops that long, to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry, so painful and sad.
And sometimes…
I Cry and no one cares about why.

– Tupac Shakur

Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself Over The Head With A Hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop…..

A lot of people have probably heard this phrase before. Meredith said it in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy once. When I first heard it I wasn’t sure what she meant but the more and more I thought I about what she said, I finally got it.

As women we do things, certain things, over and over again that usually cause us some sort of grief or pain and more often than not it involves a man. It can be anything from waiting for a date or sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring and usually once these things happen a sense of relief washes over us but the catch is as the high wears off from that encounter slowly but surely we start the cycle…..all….over….again. Hence, hitting ourselves over the head with the hammer.

These blows to the head can come in many different forms these are a few:

  • Sending text messages waiting for and receiving no response for hours or sometimes days, or worse, not at all. And when it finally does it’s a one word response: “HI” or “Hey”
  • Placing endless phones calls that go unanswered for days at a time.
  • A subtle exchange of emails or tweets that get ignored or when answered are very short and one-sided.
  • Promises of a returned phone call that doesn’t happen. At least not within the same 72-hours it was promised.
  • Plans of another date or spending time together that seems to never come.
They say love, or the lack of it, will make you do crazy things and the older I get the more I see this statement holds some truth. It can make you see things that aren’t there are or see people in a light that isn’t necessarily a good one but one that suits you at the time. All in an effort to stop hitting yourself upside the headThink Me Strange with the hammer. But I wouldn’t classify it so much as crazy as I would a want to have someone in your life. I don’t think anyone likes being alone and because of that fact we as women put up with a lot and in an effort to fill that void we get so little in return. What we really need to ask ourselves is this: is it worth it? Is the stress and strain from the repeated blows of the hammer worth an emotionless text that may or may not come or the two-minute phone conversation with no plans of another in sight? I will be the first to admit, I have sent texts the night before, sleeping with my phone by my side, only to wake up the next morning disappointed to find no response and I’m sure I’m not the only one woman to have done this. Just like I’m sure there a plenty of women who have ridden cloud nine through a date  with a man only to have that cloud crash to the ground when they don’t see him again for weeks and are only left with unanswered texts and phone calls promising “we’ll hook up soon”.
So at what point is it okay to put down the hammer? Or are we destined to beat ourselves silly searching for a high that may or may not ever come again?

Everything and Nothing

What do you do when nothing is what it seems and everything is exactly what you feared it to be?
When you’ve spent your soul on a moment that you foolishly tried to turn into: forever?
You take a moment to make your reality match your situation, you take a step back and then you forgive yourself, and allow yourself to heal.
Because in time……and only in time……you will smile again.
And if you’re lucky, there will be someone there…..to return the smile.
But only this time….it’ll be real and it won’t cost you a thing.
And if you’re really lucky, the only thing that smile will be hiding……is forever.

Not Easy Being Me…..

For some reason, the the other night, I found myself functioning in a alternate version of me. Talking…….expressing myself…..and even opening myself up to other people. I am a self-professed introvert and proud of it. LOL! I think most artists/writers are. Solitude at times is a necessity when you’re creating. So, in the wake of my new found extrovert tendencies *giggles* I tried to chalk it up to nerves…..and the one too many drinks I’d had in the previous hours, but in reality for the first time in a long time…….I realized that I was allowing myself to be myself.  You may be thinking: “Why is she tripping about being herself. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

And that’s true, for the most part. But in my life I have learned that you can’t be 100 with everyone. No matter how bad you may want too. But for some reason…..in that moment…….I wanted to be, so I took a chance and I ran with it. 🙂 I should be proud right? That shows growth…..maturity. WRONG! I woke up the next morning wishing I’d stayed tucked away behind the walls that I’d expertly constructed over the years. Walls that have been faithful friends and protected me from the “extra” and the “bitchassness” of the world that so many people seem to have to NO problem dumping in other people’s laps.

But alas….it was too late.

So now I have a dilemma, because in the moment I enjoyed the freedom, the connection. But in true run-for-the-hills fashion, I vowed to never let my walls down again because….you just never know. But realistically…..you’ll never know….if you don’t take down at least ONE wall. Now has that wall came down? Uhhhh….no. But I have installed a drawbridge and removed the alligators from the surrounding mote. 🙂

Hey….it’s progress right? 😀

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