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Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself Over The Head With A Hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop…..A lot of people have probably heard this phrase before. Meredith said it in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy once. When I first heard it I wasn’t sure what she meant but the more and more I thought I about what she said, I finally got it.As women we do things, certain things, over and over again that usually cause us some sort of grief or pain and more often than not it involves a man. It can be anything from waiting for a date or sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring and usually once these things happen a sense of relief washes over us but the catch is as the high wears off from that encounter slowly but surely we start the cycle…..all….over….again. Hence, hitting ourselves over the head with the hammer.

These blows to the head can come in many different forms these are a few:

  • Sending text messages waiting for and receiving no response for hours or sometimes days, or worse, not at all. And when it finally does it’s a one word response: “HI” or “Hey”
  • Placing endless phones calls that go unanswered for days at a time.A subtle exchange of emails or tweets that get ignored or when answered are very short and one-sided.
  • Promises of a returned phone call that doesn’t happen. At least not within the same 72-hours it was promised.
  • Plans of another date or spending time together that seems to never come.

They say love, or the lack of it, will make you do crazy things and the older I get the more I see this statement holds some truth. It can make you see things that aren’t there are or see people in a light that isn’t necessarily a good one but one that suits you at the time. All in an effort to stop hitting yourself upside the head with the hammer. But I wouldn’t classify it so much as crazy as I would a want to have someone in your life. I don’t think anyone likes being alone and because of that fact we as women put up with a lot and in an effort to fill that void we get so little in return. What we really need to ask ourselves is this: is it worth it? Is the stress and strain from the repeated blows of the hammer worth an emotionless text that may or may not come or the two-minute phone conversation with no plans of another in sight? I will be the first to admit, I have sent texts the night before, sleeping with my phone by my side, only to wake up the next morning disappointed to find no response and I’m sure I’m not the only one woman to have done this. Just like I’m sure there a plenty of women who have rode cloud nine through a date  with a man only to have that cloud crash to the ground when they don’t see him again for weeks and are only left with unanswered texts and phone calls promising “we’ll hook up soon”.

So at what point is it okay to put down the hammer? Or are we destined to beat ourselves silly searching for a high that may or may not ever come again?

via Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself Over The Head With A Hammer?.

Inconvenient Friend….Very Convenient Enemy

If any of you are friends with me on Facebook you probably have already bared the brunt of most of my rant about this but I decided to bring it here to expound on it further. I just listened to the audio the Conrad Murray recorded of Micheal Jackson drugged up and it is really sickening to think that he sat there watching, listening and RECORDING this man who was obviously in need of HELP not someone recording them to exploit them. And then in the next couple days orders MORE drugs. Like I stated on Facebook I’m not posting the link or video. If you want to hear it you can Google it and listen for yourself. The prosecution also opened up with a picture of Michael laying dead on a hospital gurney. Totally uncalled for in my opinion. Basically, there is no reason we have to be without Michael Jackson right now! How can anyone calls someone their “friend” and sit back and watch them self-destruct like that, not just Michael Jackson, but ANYONE that is hurting or going through something? Is it because no one wants to acknowledge that depression and anxiety and mental health issues are REAL and REAL people face them on a daily basis? So it seems easier to be friends when it’s convenient, or rather inconvenient. Meaning, when a person is down and needs a friend the most that’s usually when people seem to scatter turning in to convenient enemies.

It’s easy to be someone’s friend when they are upbeat and happy and all is well because then everyone can share in it or add to the fun. An Inconvenient Friend is the one who is there when it’s not always convenient for them. They will sit there and cry with you or talking you through an anxiety attack or make sure that your depression isn’t taking over your day-to-day and in extreme circumstances come pick you up and dust you off if you do go off the deep end. A Convenient Enemy is the friend who disappears when they notice you slipping into depression or witness an anxiety attack because it’s convenient for them. Thus leaving you alone and feeling worse than what you did to begin with rather than offering up help it’s easier for them to stand back and wait for you to self-destruct.

I hate to be the one to pop your virginal cherries when it comes to depression but YES mental illness DOES exist in the Black communities and YES even celebrities deal with it, probably on scales worse than common people. And no matter how much people try to ignore it, IT’S NOT GOING AWAY. Men and women that you probably deal with DAILY are dealing with everything from depression to Bipolar disorder and they are suffering alone and in silence out of fear of alienating so-called “friends”. Michael Jackson was a man who needed HELP not a stronger sleeping pill. The demons that he was fighting not even a good nights sleep could slay and to see him surrounded by the sea of people that were constantly in his midst and NO ONE stood up for him or TO him breaks my heart. He would’ve just had to be PISSED at me I would’ve tossed his 100lb behind over my shoulder and took him to rehab. DAMN a concert! Because that’s what friends DO!

It’s not always about money or material things but unfortunately so many friendships nowadays are no deeper than a bottle cap full of water it’s not surprising this ended the way it did. People hang around or show up in your life long enough to see what they can or cannot get from you regardless of your condition or state of mind. And YES I’ve had so-called friends do this to me. Knowing I was having a bad day, week, whatever and I don’t hear from them. (And yes I suffer from sleep issues, I have trouble sleeping most nights) But as soon as I start with the joking and laughing on my Facebook posts or Tweets my cell starts blowing up. Because you see now it’s no longer inconvenient to be my friend.

Take inventory of your life and who you are surrounded with. The Bible says friendship should be like iron sharpening iron. Do you know how STRONG that is? I honestly don’t think people do because if they did there would be much closer and stronger bonds in friendships than there are today and all these people that feel so isolated and alone wouldn’t be feeling the way they do.

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